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Post by saucyvegan on Jun 6, 2006 13:01:44 GMT
OK this thread is for anyone who is having problems and wants to talk about them. This is a serious thread only for people that want advice/help!!
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Post by tabitha on Jun 6, 2006 17:11:18 GMT
I have loads of problems Saucy! So many I dont know where to start, but my main one at the moment is I feel old and unattractive and I want to be 35 again. Basically, if Im honest I want some attention. It sounds very shallow I know, but its true. There! Your first problem!
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Post by saucyvegan on Jun 6, 2006 17:19:57 GMT
I think we all need attention. Also the fact that uv been with the same guy for so long (which is to be commended) is bound to make u think about that grass on the other side. Im sure u do get attention....I remember on one of ur posts u said about the guy at the gymn....ur boss I think? Ok answer this: do u ever think about leaving home and meeting someone new? You and ur hubby go away for dirty weekends (as I call em cos im like that ) so u must both fancy each other still? You see, theres nothing wrong in going out with ur friends and having harmless flirting sessions with guys, but that can sometimes make people feel even more tempted to get that exciting rush u get when u meet someone new!! Ive just got out of bed so this reply hasnt been thought out properly!!
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Post by tabitha on Jun 6, 2006 17:37:27 GMT
Thanks Saucy. This couch is a bit hard by the way How much do I owe you?
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Post by saucyvegan on Jun 6, 2006 17:42:52 GMT
A snog??
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Post by tabitha on Jun 6, 2006 18:11:05 GMT
Ooooh a toygirl!!!
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Post by Pob on Jun 6, 2006 18:31:44 GMT
Think this thread and the Sex one are getting very confused with each other I'm just finding it hard being married to a non-vegan. It's probably just another thing to make us feel mismatched. I'm feeling like I never get to do stuff that I want to do, and it's getting to the point where I am just going off and doing my thing. I think I have to do that or I'll just get more and more frustrated. So I'm going to be doing loads of AR and vegan meeting stuff and see what happens I suppose. It does feel like we are moving rapidly in opposite directions with our lives, but I'd rather be moving than stagnating, even if it is apart. Probably all seems a bit selfish, but then she can do the same, get on doing things she wants to do.
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Post by fezzarooooo on Jun 6, 2006 18:58:15 GMT
Unfortunately that does happen with a lot of marriages pob, have you been marred for long? It can be difficult when someone makes such a massive change such as veganism within a long term relationship, have you thought about relationship counseling?
My hubby's an omni who luckily supports me fully, he does all the cooking and is very careful with cross contamination etc. He has voluntarily given up pork & beef & uses my ricemilk which is a good compromise. He also gave up his favourite smellies as I have been cruelty free for some time now. It has been great that he's made all this effort I imagine if he hadn't I'd be feeling much like you. Saying that if we ever separated I'd never get involved with an omni again.
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Post by saucyvegan on Jun 6, 2006 19:05:57 GMT
I dont know what id do in this situation. Ive just changed so much over the past year or so, im practically unrecognisable. Are there children involved pob?? If I was with someone for a long time and changed to being AR in that time, and they didnt understand me.....id feel totally alone. Ive given up all my old friends who just dont understand me, so to be with a partner who didnt get me would be just unbearable I think. Makes me feel suffocated just thinking about it.
If I had children with that person, Id find it very difficult to move on....but I always think marriage is for life, so would give it my absolute best shot before I walked. But I probably would walk!! Councelling is good advice tho from Feral.....to see if u can both reach an understanding!!
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Post by Pob on Jun 6, 2006 19:07:45 GMT
Nearly ten years.
She does eat mostly vegan food at home (I cook it, and also I do most of the shopping and won't buy non-vegan food). But often she will grate cheese on it.
She is quite supportive, and has made quite a few changes, but I don't always feel it is enough. I don't think things are hopeless, just difficult at the moment. It kind of came to a head when her sister's kids came to stay and they didn't even get to try vegan food, not to mention she took them to McDonalds.
She seemed to think that I had no right to demand that they eat vegan food in our house. It wouldn't be fair on them, apparently. Made me realise how hard it would be if we had kids of our own.
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Post by fezzarooooo on Jun 6, 2006 19:15:17 GMT
Well pob, I can understand her thinking you had no right to demand, people are entitled to their own choices even if they're not what we want and it is her house too. Perhaps you were too forceful in your request and got her on the defensive? You've said yourself that she's made changes which is great, even small steps in the right direction are still steps. Try to remember your wife doesn't have to agree with your way of life, she is entitled to live her own life. Tbh this is the part when your marriage vows kick in. You have to try and look at things from each others point of view and decide if you love each other enough to accept your differences.
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Post by saucyvegan on Jun 6, 2006 19:16:45 GMT
All is not lost then it seems to me. Maybe if u told her how ur feeling about it all......
Maybe they can eat McDeath at the restaurant....and not at ur house?
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Post by Pob on Jun 6, 2006 19:24:17 GMT
I didn't actually demand (that was her words not mine). I just thought that it would be nice to have a healthyish vegan meal that we could all enjoy. They are quite young and wouldn't have needed to know that they were not eating meat.
Instead they had junk type food, and were completely hyper the whole time they were here. I had stocked up on Frys Chick'n Nuggets, Fry's burgers, etc, so vegan junk food was an option.
The food that I am aware they ate was tinned spaghetti on toast (actually vegan), tinned spag bol on toast, dairylea lunchables (chicken), McDonalds, Noodles, dairy yoghurts, squash. They certainly didn't get close to 5 fruit and veg per day.
Now, I'm sorry, but I would not want my child eating that!
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Post by fezzarooooo on Jun 6, 2006 19:26:54 GMT
Aaahh I wouldn't want to feed my children that either, I don't think we'll have any but we've both agreed they'd be vegan. But I suppose your wife feels the need to feed them in a way they're (unfortunately) used to.
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Post by Pob on Jun 6, 2006 19:28:52 GMT
All is not lost then it seems to me. Maybe if u told her how ur feeling about it all...... Maybe they can eat McDeath at the restaurant....and not at ur house? I do and we end up arguing, how I am making her life difficult, etc. They did eat it at the restaurant. But that's not the point. She felt the need to tell me they had been to McDonalds. Which I felt was a big "f**k You!"
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Post by maya on Jun 6, 2006 20:04:43 GMT
I am having this problem where all of a sudden I cant sleep. It is not like I am not tired or I have stuff on mind before bed. I wanna know if any of you here take anything natural to help you sleep???
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Post by Pob on Jun 6, 2006 20:25:15 GMT
I find reading helps - never tried any other type of remedy. It's quite rare for me to have trouble getting to sleep, though.
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Post by Tiggerwoos on Jun 6, 2006 20:34:16 GMT
I am having this problem where all of a sudden I cant sleep. It is not like I am not tired or I have stuff on mind before bed. I wanna know if any of you here take anything natural to help you sleep??? Valarian is plant based and that is a natural and harmless sedative that you can pick up in health food stores. Trust me, it does work!
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Post by bunny on Jun 6, 2006 20:47:12 GMT
I can see your point Pob, it is difficult. I think it is one thing for you both to respect each others views, but quite another if she isn't even trying to respect your point of view. I can't understand why she didn't let them have the vegan "junk"? They wouldn't have known any different! I don't know what to suggest
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Post by tabitha on Jun 6, 2006 21:34:02 GMT
Pob, I have been married for 25 years and have two teenaged boys of 15 and 17 and I have to say that our marriage has been up and down for years for lots of different reasons. We have been through times when we hardly seemed to speak at all (when the kids were quite young), times when we were really brilliant together, average times etc. I think marriage is like that and it can be a struggle. I know that sounds negative and I dont mean it to be. Funnily enough we actually get on better now than we ever have in our lives BUT, and it is a big but, we hardly ever see each other. Hes really busy and mega stressed and I do my own thing too. I dont know what the answer is. My husband isnt vegan either, neither are the boys, although my husband and kids are getting used to the fact that I have mainly veggie/vegan food in the house now. If we go out for a meal they would all choose the meat option.
Things will get better Pob. Give it a bit more time. Good luck with it.
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