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Post by bobbywomble on May 22, 2006 11:43:06 GMT
thought it would be good if you knew what type of poo you were having then you could tell everyone about it using the correct terms here are a few to consider
Ghost Poo: You know you've pooed. There's poo on the toilet paper, but not in the toilet. Where is it?
Teflon Poo: So slick and easy you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.
Goo Poo: This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe twelve times and you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't soil it. Permanent skid marks are left in the toilet.
Second Thoughts Poo: You're all done wiping and about to stand up when you realise... there's more to come.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poo: This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling, and purple from straining so hard.
Weight Watchers Poo: You poo so much you lose several pounds.
Right Now Poo: You'd better be within thirty seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber to get there and it usually gets its head out before you can get your pants down.
King Kong Poo: This one is so big you think it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger usually works well. This kind of poo usually happens when you're at someone else's house.
Cork Poo: Also known as "floaters." Even after the third flush it's still there, floating in the bowl. My God! How do I get rid of it?
Wet Cheeks Poo: This poo hits the water sideways and makes a bigger splash than the launching of the QE2, soaking your starfish.
Wish Poo: You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poo.
Cement Block Poo: You wish you'd got a spinal block before you pooed.
Snake Poo: This poo is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Morning After Poo: Happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell that bad, but THIS one... Usually you're at someone else's house (normally a girl you're trying to impress) and they're waiting outside to use the bathroom.
Mexican Food Poo: Also called "screamers." You know it's safe to eat again when your bum stops burning.
Boo Hoo Poo: Makes you cry with pain and wonder whether your should risk the stitches or go for the fuller figure.
the womble is on the bog as we speak "splosh" "splosh" "splatt"
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Post by tabitha on May 22, 2006 13:57:46 GMT
Can we not ban Womble from this particular thread.....? Tiggerwoos your the boss!.....DO IT NOW!!!
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Post by bobbywomble on May 22, 2006 15:38:04 GMT
and can we change tabitha's name to voldermort
with her willingness to ban the innocent
the womble pleads not guilty
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Post by fezzarooooo on May 22, 2006 15:41:32 GMT
ROFLMAO @ womble! I got about half way down the list and felt a gagg coming up, I'll have to read the rest later when my tummy's settled down! Classic womble! No improvements here I'm afraid, still cork poo... lets all hope for a diver tomorrow
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Post by bobbywomble on May 22, 2006 16:01:13 GMT
will send you a "womble special chilli" its guaranteed to clear any blockage and get things moving ....
its also good at unblocking the drains
the womble has his chefs hat on
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Post by fezzarooooo on May 22, 2006 16:43:37 GMT
the feral has put the loo roll in the fridge
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Post by tabitha on May 22, 2006 16:57:39 GMT
I wish I could stop looking at this thread.....yet am strangely drawn to see what revolting depths (no pun intended) that Womble and Feral are prepared to go to in search of the perfect poo. The Tabster is horrified.....yet curious.
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Post by fezzarooooo on May 22, 2006 17:00:50 GMT
Hahahahaaaaaaa you see... womble & I just say what everyone else is secretly thinking.
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Post by bobbywomble on May 22, 2006 18:05:24 GMT
feral thought this might tomorrows visit to the loo easier some wombleproof instructions i new tabby couldnt resist having a peak ESCAPEE Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receivewhen passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with 'ESCAPEE') Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the 'WALK OF SHAME'. WALK OF SHAME Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom. THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of 'OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS' and identify 'SAFE HAVENS'. SAFE HAVEN Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. TURD BURGLAR Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a 'WATERMELON' or to alert potential 'TURD BURGLARS'. Very effective when used in conjunction with an 'ASTAIRE'. ASTAIRE Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential 'TURD BURGLARS' that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an 'ASTAIRE', leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a 'WATERMELON' coming on, create a diversion. See 'CAMO-COUGH'. HAVANA OMELET Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a 'CAMO-COUGH' with an 'ASTAIRE'. UNCLE TED Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An 'UNCLE TED' makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. FLY BY Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a 'FREQUENT FLYER'. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. the womble is a expert at the above
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Post by tabitha on May 22, 2006 18:38:46 GMT
*groans*. Make him stop! Have I no support on this forum! *shouts*
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Post by bobbywomble on May 23, 2006 11:40:04 GMT
did somebody say summit?? the womble is hearing things ps i bet tabby reads this because she pretends she doesnt but we know the truth
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Post by tabitha on May 23, 2006 11:45:09 GMT
Darn that creature Hes onto my every move
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Post by fezzarooooo on May 23, 2006 13:27:24 GMT
Darn that creature Hes onto my every move Shouldn't that be your every movement tabs? *sniggers*
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Post by puffin on May 23, 2006 14:21:01 GMT
Oh my goodness. As if i am going to talk about my poo details to all of you Oh ok then.....ummm one or twice a day is the usual ok. Now i am leaving this thread..........starts car and drives as fast as i can out of here.
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Post by tabitha on May 23, 2006 15:35:07 GMT
You see!! *shouts* Youve ruined Puffin already!!!
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Post by bobbywomble on May 23, 2006 16:00:57 GMT
well done puffin you can only call yourself a member when you've discussed your poo on here well done
as for that tabby woman "the defence rest your honour"
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Post by puffin on May 24, 2006 13:00:01 GMT
Oh its ok Tabi, i am back.
Thanks bobby, i have finished talking about my bathroom going ons now. (runs and hides and decides never to visit this thread again)
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Post by maisiepaisie on May 24, 2006 14:29:06 GMT
LMAO Bobbywomble is hilarious ;D ;D ;D
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Post by tabitha on May 24, 2006 14:43:03 GMT
He is, isnt he?!! I wonder if his real name is Robert? "RobertWomble" - how posh!
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Post by fezzarooooo on May 24, 2006 15:23:28 GMT
Maybe it's Roberta at the weekends, I can just see him singing cabaret in his spangly frock... sorry I watched kinky boots yesterday
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