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Post by Tiggerwoos on Mar 26, 2006 0:07:36 GMT
Well, as promised, I Gizmo the cat am writing this blog for you. My mum is still trying to put my pic up as a catatar, but having a few problems as she says the forum isn't very slave........ oops I mean hooman friendly. Well today I got woken up by Tigger. I was fast asleep, dreaming of chasing a ball of string when he pounced on me while I was asleep on the slave's bed and woke me up with a start. I swiped him and hissed, and he finally went away and sulked, so I thought if you cant beat em join em and decided to pounce on Tiggerwoo's chest and cuddle up to her and purr like crazy.... Hint for any other cats reading this......... Seymour and Minuet take hint...... do this long enough and your slave will wake up entirely and go and make you breakfast! ;D After breakfast I let the slaves stay up for the day, while I thought it would be hilarious to do a smelly pooh in the freshly changed litter tray, much to their disgust, then went upstairs to the airing cupboard, to let the air clear and snuggled up next to the water tank in the warm and went to sleep. I dreamt and dreamt of all catty things and of playing some practical jokes on that Tigger cat that is a meer boy........ typical tom cat....... all paws and no graces! Next thing I know my slaves had come back from work and I ventured out, after as little as 12 hours sleep for more food, and now am trying to type with great difficulty with my furry feet as I was told I mustn't break my promise in writing to you all. Yawwwwwwwwn, purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... think I might go for another snooze now. All this typing has made me very tired. Till the next time Gizmo
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Post by meowminuet on Mar 26, 2006 10:12:11 GMT
Well Hello Gizmo
I, Her Majesty Queen Minuet, the Queen of everything, in a mindmeld with my daddy, sending the words to his brain. “your mind to my mind, my thoughts to your thoughts” He’s writing for ME, coz I AM the QUEEN of everything.
Your day seems to have started against your will. That’s not good ! I never let anyone wake ME up ! I wake everybody UP ! “feed me love me pet my butt” is my motto. I wake mommy or daddy (or both, after all, I AM the center of everything & I want to be served, moewwww).
Last night, I dreamt of my recent Glorious success in winning the gold medal professional String-Chasing. Did you really think I’d win any less ?? (don’t tell me you thought I’d lose ?? ) Meoooowwwww what a Victory !
Then, I woke daddy up to feed me. After that, I left the house to wonder around the neighbourhood, MY Kindgom.
I came back and ate some more & then went to join daddy in the room. He was still asleep. Last night, the hoomans switched to their daylight saving time... why not to Minuet saving time??? Anyway, he was asleep, tired from losing an hour of his life... I understand that, after all, I do sleep 16 hours per day ! Don’t do that to me !!! My clock is the BEST. It always reads MINUET, PURR, FEED ME PET MY BUTT, MINUET, PURR, FEED ME PET MY BUTT...
“Minuet take hint...... do this long enough and your slave will wake up entirely and go and make you breakfast!”
I don’t even need to pounce – not that I never do it for the fun – but I’v trained daddy & mommy & now they are tame.
“After breakfast I let the slaves stay up for the day, while I thought it would be hilarious to do a smelly pooh in the freshly changed litter tray”
I don’t use the litter tray. I pooh in MY Kingdom. I hear mommy & daddy speak of taking an aparment soon & they want me to stay in the house & use it. I pretend am ok with their thoughts, for now. But I do have to say, they are touching. They heared about some laws that will make cats’s strolls in the streets very dangerous. They also heared about cats contracting this bird flu... yack ! If it’s really necessary, I may accept their cat litter but only if it has a roof... I don’t want anyone to see me while pooh-ing, that’s invasion of MY HIGHNESS PRIVACY .
Well, my daddy’s brain is getting distracted, he’s thinking of food, funny, just like ME ! it’s noon for him afterall, it’s still MINUET, PURR, FEED ME PET MY BUTT time in my clock so I’ll let him go eat and I’ll go eat too.
“My toughts back to ME, get yours back now”. Link over, till next time.
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gizmo
Vegan Munchkin
Meow Meow
Posts: 52
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Post by gizmo on Mar 28, 2006 23:24:43 GMT
I had a catastrophic day today... get it! "cat"astrophic......... oh you hoomans have no sense of humor. I got woken up by the slave about a million times last night as she kept going and visiting that room next door....... think its the hooman litter tray. Such disturbance is not good for a cat's complexion!
I then got woken up by the male hooman at 4am when he went out, as he said "To earn me some cat food"........ don't know how he does that, but he came home hours later with no cat food. I went to sulk and cuddled up on the bed for the rest of the day, only coming out at the smell of food!
Next thing I know, Tigger is attacking me again....... that boy has to learn a lesson.... it's not much fun being woken up to have your bum bitten.... its so undignified.
Meow Minuet, and hello to you too, will you be my friend? How do you tame your slaves, I have great difficulty with that one! ;D
I'm now snuggled up with my mum slave and am on her lap typing this blog as we speak......... Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, time for another 16 hours snooze I think! ;D
P
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Post by meowminuet on Mar 31, 2006 13:55:38 GMT
Hi Gizmo
I understand your sense of humour, am not a hooman *maaaaou*
Yea, why do they go on the litter box ? I go in My Kingdom, so rich in fields & yards... it’s also enviromentally friendly ! Awww poor yawwwmaaaaouuu got your complexion all twisted around the disturbances in homman routines...
4 AM ? I wake my hoomans at that time, they don’t wake ME up !
earn cat food ? yea I pretend I don’t know what it is but I’m the Queen & I know everything... sssshhh
I bite, you need to learn not to let your slaves wake you up or bite your bum ! Learn from the best Cators. I’m too busy for the moment, being the Queen of everything is so time consuming.
Sure I’ll be your friend but you have to accept my Rules as am the Queen !
I don’t need to tame my slaves, I mind warp them... read about it all & learn from my blog.
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gizmo
Vegan Munchkin
Meow Meow
Posts: 52
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Post by gizmo on Apr 2, 2006 10:33:44 GMT
Well my slaves were very nice to me yesterday, they let us have the whole house to ourselves to have a cat party and went out for the day......... Then they returned with this spicy smelling food they called cuwwy and I ate their popadoms when they weren't looking...... they said they were vegan though so that's not too bad.
You wake your hoomans up at 4am Minuet....... he he he, will have to try that one. I did pounce on Tiggerwoo's face yesterday morning........ well she was sleeping too late and I wanted my breakfast.
A grumbling cats tummy is not good!
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Post by bobbywomble on Apr 4, 2006 9:29:46 GMT
hmmmm 4am indeed you know that cat flap, flaps both ways
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gizmo
Vegan Munchkin
Meow Meow
Posts: 52
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Post by gizmo on Apr 8, 2006 11:03:08 GMT
My poor brother...... well he's not really my brother but I call him that , Tigger has just come through the cat flap with blood on his nose and a torn ear with blood on.
He's very grumpy and sore, and for some reason, can't think why wouldn't accept my offer of washing his ear and nose better with my sandpaper kisses!
He's going to that scary man this afternoon...... you know the one that cut me open the other month. Very strange, but very clever. He sticks big sticks up animal's bums and then shouts out a load of figures.
Rather him than me! Tigger that is.
Right, off to mollycoddle him and make sure he's not getting in to any more "cat"astrophic disasters and will let you know how he is after he gets back from the discenfectant smelling place!
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gizmo
Vegan Munchkin
Meow Meow
Posts: 52
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Post by gizmo on Apr 9, 2006 16:34:21 GMT
Well, as promised I'm here with an update of my step-brother Tigger.
He went in that four wheeled red thing with Tiggerwoos in a box to the scary lady in a white coat and came back an hour later sulking. He told me that the scary lady jabbed him with sticks and stuck a prong up his bum....... which for us cats is very undignified. We're very proud you know.
Apparantly his ear will be torn forever, so I keep laughing at him as he looks all shabby and scruffy now as the scary lady can't stitch an extremity off and he is on these pink tablets called catibiotics!
Note to all cats when slave puts pill in mouth, pretend to swallow it, but put in corner of mouth, then spit out when owner isn't looking. Works every time!
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Post by bobbywomble on Apr 11, 2006 0:41:12 GMT
its simple to stop tigger (the furry one not the administrator) spitting the pills back out
open his mouth tilt his head back and use a (wait for it) CATapult.....
the womble is a wicked vet
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gizmo
Vegan Munchkin
Meow Meow
Posts: 52
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Post by gizmo on Apr 11, 2006 19:52:19 GMT
Gizmo's thought for the day!
Sandpaper kisses On a cheek or a chin- That is the way For a day to begin
Sandpaper kisses- a cuddle and a purr I have an alarm clock That's covered in fur!
Author unknown
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Post by tabitha on Apr 12, 2006 9:30:02 GMT
Gizmo. Thats a brilliant poem. You are an eloquent writer. ;D
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Seymour
Newbie
PRRRRRRRRP!!!
Posts: 11
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Post by Seymour on Apr 14, 2006 2:30:44 GMT
...hi... Gizmo. uh...I'm Seymour. :-[ithinkyou'rebeautiful
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gizmo
Vegan Munchkin
Meow Meow
Posts: 52
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Post by gizmo on Apr 14, 2006 12:08:18 GMT
Meeeeeooooooooooooooooooooow
What a handsome cat you are Seymour....... I would like to spend long evenings cuddled up with you by a fireplace somewhere.
Will you be my boyfriend?
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gizmo
Vegan Munchkin
Meow Meow
Posts: 52
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Post by gizmo on Apr 15, 2006 10:10:56 GMT
Basic Rules For Cats Who Run A House
DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer it with forepaws.
Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.
GUESTS: Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that lap. For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select fabric which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white-furred cats go to black wool clothing. NOTE: Velvet takes precedence over all other cloth.
For the guest who exclaims, "I love kitties!" be ready with aloof disdain, apply claws to stockings or arms, or use a quick nip on the ankle.
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything -- just sit there and stare.
HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping" otherwise known is "hampering." Some rule:
a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner to obscure the maximum amount. Pretend to dose but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. Sit on the paperwork they are working on. Roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. Embroidery and needlepoint make great hammocks.
d) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her be sure to jump at the back of the paper. They love surprises.
e) Dart out quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs; when they have something in their arms; in the dark; and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.
f) When a human is attempting to "make the bed," hop on it and curl up in the center , or pounce on the sheet the human is trying to rearrange. If the human tries to ignore you by covering you with the sheets, move around and try to mess things up. Protest loudly when you're evicted.
g) Laundry presents many opportunities to hamper. Laundry fresh from the dryer is a perfect bed, since it is warm and soft. As soon as it is put down for sorting, arrange yourself for a nap. If the human removes you, keep returning until the laundry isn't warm anymore. Now it's playtime. Pounce on anything the human tries to move around for folding, especially socks and nylons. For added fun, grab a sock and hide under the bed with it.
PLAY: This is an important part of your life. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for your nocturnal games. Below are listed below are several cat games. It is important though to maintain one's Dignity at all times. If you should have an accident during play, such as falling off a chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say "I MEANT to do that!" It fools those humans every time.
4.1 GAMES: a) Catch Mouse: The humans would have you believe that those lumps under the covers are their feet and hands. They are actually Bed Mice, rumored to be the most delicious of all the mice in the world, though no cat has ever been able to catch one. Maybe YOU can be the first. b) King of the Hill: This game must be played with at least one other cat. Sleeping humans are the hill which must be defended at all costs from the other cat(s). Anything goes. This game allows for the development of unusual tactics as one must consider the unstable playing field.
WARNING: Playing games (a) and (b) to excess will result in expulsion from the bed. Should the humans grow restless, immediately begin purring and cuddle up to them. This should buy you some time until they fall asleep again. If one happens to be on a human when this occurs, this cat wins the round of King of the Hill.
c) Tag: This game requires two or more cats and may include a dog. One cat is It. The other(s) chase him around the house until they catch up. Then follows the Scrimmage, after which the cat who caught the other becomes It and is chased around. Great fun but has the greatest potential for loss of dignity from maneuvers such as the Non-Carpeted Floor Skid and the Throw Rug Wipeout. Whenever such a situation occurs, all felines must immediately wash themselves. Dogs are generally too stupid to do this and may continue to play. In this case, the dog automatically becomes It and should be subjected to the Pileup.
d) Tube Mouse: This is a game played in the bathroom. Next to the Big White Drinking Bowl is a roll of soft white paper which is artfully attached to the wall so that it can spin. Inside this roll is the Tube Mouse. When you grab the paper, the Tube Mouse will spin frantically as it tries to escape from you. When the Mouse is exposed, it dies of fright and stops spinning.
4.2 TOYS: Any small item. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means it is a Valuable Toy. Run with it under the bed. Look outraged when the human takes it away. Watch where it is put so you can steal it later. Two reliable sources of toys are dresser tops and wastebaskets. Below are listed several types of cat toys.
a) Bright shiny things like keys, brooches or coins should be hidden so the other cat(s) and humans can't play with them. They are generally good for playing hockey with on uncarpeted floors.
b) Dangling and/or string-like things such as shoelaces, cords, gold chains and dental floss also make excellent toys. They are favorites of humans who like to drag them across the floor for us to pounce on. When a string is dragged under a newspaper or throw rug, it magically becomes the Paper/Rug Mouse and should be killed at, all costs. Note that playing with shoelaces when the human is trying to tie them is a great source of Hampering.
c) Within paper bags dwell the Bag Mice. They are small and the same color as the bag, so they are hard to see, but you can easily hear the crinkling noises they make as they scurry around the bag. Anything, including shredding the bag, can be done to kill them. Note: any cat you find in a bag hunting for Bag Mice is fair game for a Sneak Attack, which will usually result in a great Tag match.
FOOD: Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed "NOW" and hunting for it oneself. The following are guidelines for getting fed.
a) When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of your tail in their dishes when they are not looking.
b) The best times to inform humans of your dish's emptiness are when they are unable to ignore you, such as when they are sleeping or on the toilet.
c) Should you catch something of your own outside, it is only polite to attempt to get to know it. Be insistent - your food will usually not be so polite and try to leave.
SCRATCHING POSTS: It is advised that cats use anything which is most useful to you. They are very protective of what they think is their property and will object strongly if they catch you sharpening your claws on it. Sharpening your claws on a human is a definite no-no!
WATER: Dripping taps are the best sources of fresh water. Toilets are the next best. It is imperative that any sound of running water be investigated immediately for a possible drink. A plaintive meow and licking the faucet usually will get most humans to turn on the tap.
VACUUM CLEANER: This appalling Beast is known by many names, "Cat Eater" being the most prevalent. Humans will turn into raging monsters while under its influence, sucking up all the carefully shed cat hair and terrorizing the feline residents with evil glee. All you can do is run and hide.
Occasionally, the humans are forced to open the vacuum cleaner and remove a swollen bag from within. This is its stomach, and must be destroyed at all costs. Do not worry if the human yells at you, for the yell is really that of the Beast in pain.
SLEEPING HUMANS: It is known that sleeping humans are boring. The "direct approach" is nearly always successful in rejuvenating a dormant human. Do one of the following:
Trample, purr, meow or head-butt. If the human is being stubborn, you may have to resort to more drastic tactics, such as ripping down posters, rattling blinds, or singing at the top of your voice. Eventually the human will get up and do what you want, usually in a disgruntle manner.
MORNINGS: In order to provide for you, the humans must leave the domain every morning (usually before you take your first cat nap). To help them on their way, howl loudly, massage their scalps with your claws, or gently bounce on top of them in bed. See GAMES. The best time to do this is about 24 minutes before their alarm clock goes off. We must protect them from that blaring noise for it could ruin their hearing.
MEDICINE: The vet is where your human takes you when you are sick. The place smells funny; there are cats, dogs and awful things like needles and pills. Don't let humans cat-handle you. The following are some tips for dealing with vets and medicine.
a) When you see the carrier come out, run and hide. Once the human grabs you, struggle gamely. Splay your legs out so it is difficult to cram you into the carrier. If the human is trying to put you in with another pet, allow the other pet to bolt out the door. In the car, meow plaintively all the way to the vet's. Reach through the bars of the carrier and claw the human as s/he drives. At the vet's, once again splay your legs and brace yourself against the carrier's walls so they can't dump you out easily.
b) At home, resist attempts to feed you pills or liquid medicine. As soon as you hear the pill bottle rattle, hide. Resist attempts to open your mouth. Squirming is good. Shake your head vigorously to remove any medicine placed in your mouth. Refuse any food that smells like it may have had medicine sprinkled in it.
ILLNESS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is longer then a human's bare foot.
CONCLUSION: Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent. You will then have a smooth running household. _________________ The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated
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Post by bobbywomble on Apr 15, 2006 11:12:57 GMT
Meeeeeooooooooooooooooooooow What a handsome cat you are Seymour....... I would like to spend long evenings cuddled up with you by a fireplace somewhere. Will you be my boyfriend? OI this aint a cat dating site try www.furrylonelycatsthatdonothingbutloungeabout.comor you could try ask womble if your having man troubles the womble needs a laugh
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Post by meowminuet on Apr 15, 2006 17:27:47 GMT
Hey Gizmo, glad you had a nice day when your slaves had left for the day & let you have your party, maaaouuuuuu kitty parties are so gooooodddd
You know what I luuuuvvvv eating ? my hoooomans’ mushroom vegâté !!
Yaaaaa I wake them at 4 AM a lot, but I don’t wan them to get used to it so I keep changing the hours... 3..5...4...3..2...4... no rules, just to confused them coz they have to serve MEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAOOOOOOOUUUU
A grumbling cats tummy is not good indeed ! SERVE ME, now or NOW...
So sad ‘bout step-bro... wish him fast recovery.... Yaaaaa I agree, never trust a pill, even when it’s called catibiotic, it’s a scat ! I distrust womblevts too, to be on the safe sife, I choose what to do... ME, no one else !
Hey tigger, you got the cataspritation, very nice !
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Cobi
Newbie
Master Soccer Player
Posts: 1
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Post by Cobi on Aug 1, 2006 3:15:30 GMT
*meow* I'm the best cat and follow all the gules and guidelines for running my household. Mom doesn't know it yet, but I own her. She was nothing before I came into her life. I've brought nothing but toys, tracked litter, scattered food, shedding hair and clawed up furniture into her life and yet she still loves me. See how it's done?
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Seymour
Newbie
PRRRRRRRRP!!!
Posts: 11
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Post by Seymour on Aug 1, 2006 4:04:27 GMT
Prrrrrrrrrp! Hi Cobi! My name is Seymour. Being on the Big People's forums is fun!
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gizmo
Vegan Munchkin
Meow Meow
Posts: 52
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Post by gizmo on Aug 1, 2006 10:32:10 GMT
*Purrs charmingly at Cobi and Seymour.*
Welcome Cobi. You've come to join our fun filled playground!
I now have 2 handsome young felines to play with!
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Post by paul on Aug 6, 2006 14:24:27 GMT
more from gizmo please
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